"What would you do if you found out your husband was having an affair?"
My initial answer was: "Does not compute."
In all honesty that question does not register in my thought banks. Pete and I have such a wonderful, open line of communication that I've never worried about it.
However, after giving this some more thought I do understand where this sort of thinking is coming from because I've been there too, in previous relationships. I believe that much of this sort of thinking comes from insecurity, worry and fears that are within ourselves. We hold our thoughts and feelings inside because we worry about how other people might respond or what they might think about us. We worry that our sayings and doings might piss-off the other person which might cause a conflict or cause them to leave us. These insecurities, worries and fears hide the real you - which means your significant other dosen't know who you really are. You shut off your openess and communication.
Another issue is that we think we "own them", we think that because they are with us they belong to us. In our minds we say, " See this piece of paper! It's called a Marriage License, that means he/she is mine!!" This is why many people get bent outta shape and jealous when they see or hear about their significant other spending time with the opposite sex. We don't "own" other people - there's a word for that kind of thinking...it's called "slavery". Everyone has a choice, he chose to be with you and you chose to be with him. Jealously is just another word for fear...we are afraid that if our partner spends time with someone else that they might choose them instead of us. So what if they do choose someone else? Do you have yourself so wrapped around this other person that you forgot your own value?
I've had many relationships over the years. I've experienced anger, jealousy, fear, pain and cried myself to sleep, as well as love, joy and happiness. With all of these relationships I was able to learn something about myself; with each of them I was refining me and what I thought a great relationship should be.
So, what would I do if I found out that my husband was sleeping with someone else?
You might not believe me if I told you. ;-)
Much Love,
~Khristine